Are you ready for children

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Mess Test:
Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick
behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

Toy Test:
Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos. (If Legos are not available, you
maysubstitute roofing tacks) Have a friend spread them all over the
house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do
not scream. (This could wake a child at night.)

Grocery Store Test:
Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with
you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay
for anything they eat or damage.

Dressing Test:
Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag,
making sure that all arms stay inside.

Feeding Test:
Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend
from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to
insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into
the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the
contents of the jug on the floor.

Night Test:
Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 - 12
pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 PM, begin to waltz
and hum with the bag until 9:00 PM. Lay down your bag and set your
alarm for 10: 00PM.Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you
have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until
4:00 AM. Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up
for 5 years. Look cheerful.

Physical Test (Women):
Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your
clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans.

Physical Test (Men):
Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask
the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to
the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited
to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the
last time.

Final Assignment:
Find a couple who already has a small child. Lecture them on how
they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet
training, and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can
improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children
to run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will
have all the answers.